Blond walks over to the river.....................

The blond walks over to the river............



She looks across the river, and what do you know there is a blond standing on the other side of the river. So the other blond looks to the left, and then looks to the right and says, " hey, how do I get the other side? The other blond yells back "You are on the other side!"LOL

A hippie jumps on the bus, and their is a really hot nun sitting on the bus. He sits down beside her, and he says "hey you wanna screw"? The nun is totally offended and jumps off at the next stop.
The bus driver turns around and says "hey I bet I know how to get her to have sex with you. Every night at midnight she goes to the cemetery and begs for forgiveness of her sins. So just go to the costume shop, and get you a costume that looks like God, and then go to the cemetery and convince her to have sex with you."
So the hippie does exactly as the bus driver says. And at midnight he goes to the cemetery, and their the nun is on her knees praying to God.
The hippie approaches the nun, and says "behold I am your creator. Have sex with me, and I will forgive you of your sins." The nun says, OK, but I have been saving my virginity for a really long time. Can you hit it from behind so that I may still die a virgin?" The hippies says "Of course!"
So the hippie does his business, and when he is finished, he jumps up and pulls off his mask and screams "surprise, its me the hippie!"
Then the nun jumps up, and pulls of her mask and says "surprise its me the bus driver! "

Mister Pretzel said...

I was doin' 100 down 101 in my Grand Prix at 3 a.m. No one in site except for one guy riding my azz. I slammed on the brakes. Thank God I immediately spun out into the middle lanes. Lord knows what would have happened if he had hit me dead on.

What do you call a driveby at a whore house?

A Hoe down

Bikers
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. This man came in the bar and, he was already drunk. He sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.

He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!"

The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad.

The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"

The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, grandpa, you're drunk. Go home!"

How to tell if your date is a man or woman!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Look for these signs..........

Take note of baggy clothing. A man could be wearing baggy clothing to hide a bulge. Also look for a bump in the middle of a woman's throat. This is called an Adams apple. Women do not have an Adams apple. When walking, women tend to have a natural sway.  Check on the neck for hair, and shaving stubble. Most women do not have stubble on their neck. Women's shoulders and hips generally tend to be close to the same width. Men's shoulders are typically wider. Always go with your gut instinct! But at the same time, try to be polite, and just find an escape route! Be careful on fire escapes, they can sometimes be slippery.

Fast food...